The best damn thing

In the name of Allah the most beneficent and the most merciful.

Despite heavy medication that I really hate to take (for my lung operation last December), I’m risking my life for something wonderful but yet unsure whether it will go to the direction that I want or it will turn to another way but I do believe there is a virtue in what’s happening. Literally it’s kind of addictive feeling, you don’t really want it (in other word afraid it will break you) but without noticing you search for it and yet hoping and longing for the best.

Actually it’s a ‘best damn thing’ that I’m trying to avoid but when I realize If I continue running and avoiding, I will lose something really priceless and regret later. After what happened to me since 25 years I breathe this blissful air and full of ups and downs, I don’t really think that ‘the best damn thing’ is for me. For me it’s enough to see my friends happy with their ‘the best damn thing’ life (some fairy tale) while I’m smiling and pray for their happiness. The more I avoid, the more it strike me and then I gave up and say to myself “why don’t I give myself a chance this time” – and yes I did and I hoping for the best to.

I hope it is the last time I’m doing it because I don’t want to repeat the same old story because I’m no longer young or strong as I appear to be – it’s really tiring to do the same time wasting, expensive process all over again and wait for a dependable rationally  period of knowing each other before romantically linked.

‘The best damn thing’ is a 4 letter word – L.O.V.E. and I promised to myself to love fully and truly, because for me a man who wasted their love is a failed human, emotionless and ungrateful.

Positive and always pray for the best.

Grand highway of a mistletoe life.

In the name of Allah the most merciful and the most beneficent.

Sadly 2011 is gone, and we’re in the new year of 2012. 2011 taught lot of things that surely will be remembered for the lifetime. The friendship, new love, new pain, lost and learned, it’s a part of growing up that prepares us to be good human being if we really cherish our own beautiful life journey.

Starting 2012, my life will be change forever. I started to see the world in wider views, love more, gratitude, live strong and empathy. What triggers me to say this it is because, 2011 prepares me a complete lessons to become a better person.  With the upside down career and unpredictable health issue, my head stuck into the rabbit hole and it makes me think of the purpose for me to live in this world. I am always complete round of myself without thinking anybody else and that will begin to change and that includes the question ‘who are my real friends?’ and On the other hand I’m tired of giving but not received anything in return. Is not I’m the type of people who always asking but a little attention and love is enough.

Final say, thanks for all people who come and go in my life. You rather make my life strong and meaningful. Hopefully I will not lose this blog password again, and I will keep updating. Love Allah, love yourself, love family and love the ones who love you – that’s the secret of driving at the grand highway of mistletoe life. 

My heart isn’t here no more

My heart and soul are slowly fading. I have zero interest to work at this humble media company. There are no more laughs, no fun and going to be a plain boring workplace. The pressure is high, not because the loaded of work, but the personal problem of my employer really change the atmosphere. Usually I’m among the earliest to come at the office but now I don’t care anymore. For those who know what going on here also will make their nerves fast. It’s totally not cool with the hypocrisy, lies, scandals and money-mattered driven.

I’m sincerely apologize for those who being the victim. I can feel that my days are numbered, weather I quitting or else. Here at my workplace, it’s a learning process to study the character of people. For those are appear good are not actually are. Remembering the days that my life full of laugher, high spirit and unstoppable. Now everything I feel is so wrong. Not because of my erroneous instinct, but it’s the vibe that that I feel. It’s not really a dollar that I’m looking for, as the typical pisce that highly sensitive, im looking for the joy and fun of my life. I never take things very seriously. I believe in ‘Rezeki it’s from Allah, not from people’. Now off to think about my future undertaking and update my resume. Really, my heart isn’t here no more.

*In memory of Nazirah, Mukhriz and Khairul. May Allah bless your good heart and grant the wisdom and strength for continuing the journey of life.

The infatuation will end

To obsess with somebody is really not a good thing. It will end up being hurt. I waited for a week last Saturday to see that beautiful smile again, but it was pointless. My day started to gloom, its ok maybe I will find someone better, with better smile that can makes my heart beats fast. I must say that the infatuation will end, and I will wait for someone better, and I hope it’s worth waiting. The funny thing is I found my secret admirer in the same club. That’s long story that I will tell you later.

The worst thing that I can do to someone that I fancy or admire is standing still and smile. I’m too terrified to come any closer, not because I can’t handle rejection in fact I take rejection very well, there is something that stopped me or maybe I don’t want to look desperate. Well it takes two for it to work, maybe next time I have to learn to be more courageous and act rightfully. It’s a lesson for me actually. And I still hoping to see that beautiful smile again but I must say that the infatuation will end because I don’t want to end up in same old story.

Tentang Seseorang

I still can’t get that beautiful smile out from my head – I mean my recent Saturday night crush. And I really think that I in love, I admit that. I know it not lust and just because of that beautiful face, I decided back to writing. That smile inspires me and that flawless face calms me. I remember one beautiful Indonesian film, ‘Ada Apa Dengan Cinta’ back at year 2002, the first Indonesian film that I actually watch and fall in love with it. The love story between Cinta and Rangga that makes my tears dropped. There’s one scene that can express my feeling right now. The scene that Cinta recital his poetry to Rangga and the same poetry I want to dedicate to ….. L

" kulari kehutan kemudian menyanyiku

kulari kepantai kemudian teriakku

sepi, sepi dan sendiri

aku benci

aku ingin bingar

aku mau di pasar

bosan aku dengan penat

dan enyah saja kau pekat

seperti berjelaga

jika kusendiri

pecahkan saja gelasnya

biar ramai

biar mengaduh sampai gaduh

ah…ada malaikat menyulam

jaring laba – laba belang

di tembok keraton putih

kenapa tak goyangkan saja loncengnya

biar terdera

atau aku harus lari kehutan

belok kepantai "

Who are you?

Can’t help with the boring day and Monday blues at my office? So I write a lyric about my recent crush to someone last Saturday night. I’m not a guy who easily fall in love, but this time after I see that beautiful smile and I know I am falling.‘I choose to love you in silence. When will I see you again?’

Who Are You?

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who are you that take my breath away?

Who are you that make my heart stop beating?

Who are you that make my background song, the loneliness?

Who are you?

At that damn night,

I’m talking and chatting with my buddies,

We have nasty thought, to the people around us,

Suddenly you came around, wearing that bright pink t shirt,

You flash me smile.

At that time I know I’m so deeply in love,

I want to run and hug you, maybe that just in my dream,

Because maybe you with someone else,

I am nobody and you too good to be true.

Can’t stop falling, I miss your beautiful smile,

Don’t stop beating, I want to know your name,

Can’t stop dreaming, to have you in my arms,

Don’t stop thinking weather you feel the same way too.

Who are you?

Who are you?