The best damn thing

In the name of Allah the most beneficent and the most merciful.

Despite heavy medication that I really hate to take (for my lung operation last December), I’m risking my life for something wonderful but yet unsure whether it will go to the direction that I want or it will turn to another way but I do believe there is a virtue in what’s happening. Literally it’s kind of addictive feeling, you don’t really want it (in other word afraid it will break you) but without noticing you search for it and yet hoping and longing for the best.

Actually it’s a ‘best damn thing’ that I’m trying to avoid but when I realize If I continue running and avoiding, I will lose something really priceless and regret later. After what happened to me since 25 years I breathe this blissful air and full of ups and downs, I don’t really think that ‘the best damn thing’ is for me. For me it’s enough to see my friends happy with their ‘the best damn thing’ life (some fairy tale) while I’m smiling and pray for their happiness. The more I avoid, the more it strike me and then I gave up and say to myself “why don’t I give myself a chance this time” – and yes I did and I hoping for the best to.

I hope it is the last time I’m doing it because I don’t want to repeat the same old story because I’m no longer young or strong as I appear to be – it’s really tiring to do the same time wasting, expensive process all over again and wait for a dependable rationally  period of knowing each other before romantically linked.

‘The best damn thing’ is a 4 letter word – L.O.V.E. and I promised to myself to love fully and truly, because for me a man who wasted their love is a failed human, emotionless and ungrateful.

Positive and always pray for the best.